tented
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There are two types of people in this world:
1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
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tented
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A guy sits down at a bar, head hung, and looking sad. "Is everything ok?" asks the bartender.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn't going to talk to me for a month."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe that's a good thing, a little peace and quiet, you know?"
"Yeah...but today is the last day"
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn't going to talk to me for a month."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe that's a good thing, a little peace and quiet, you know?"
"Yeah...but today is the last day"
Federberg
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tented
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The teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy walked up to him...
Little boy: "Teacher are you ... sleeping in class?"
Teacher : "No I am not sleeping in class."
Little boy : "What were you doing sir ?"
Teacher : " I was talking to God."
The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him...
Teacher : "young man, you are sleeping in my class."
Little boy : "No not me sir,I am not sleeping."
Angry teacher: "What were you doing.??"
Little boy : "I was talking to God."
Angry teacher: "What did He say??"
Little boy : "God said He never spoke to you yesterday..."
Little boy: "Teacher are you ... sleeping in class?"
Teacher : "No I am not sleeping in class."
Little boy : "What were you doing sir ?"
Teacher : " I was talking to God."
The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him...
Teacher : "young man, you are sleeping in my class."
Little boy : "No not me sir,I am not sleeping."
Angry teacher: "What were you doing.??"
Little boy : "I was talking to God."
Angry teacher: "What did He say??"
Little boy : "God said He never spoke to you yesterday..."
Moxie
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T-Shirt spotted in the East Village today: "Life is short. Make fun of it."
Federberg
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The doctor said to me, "You'll be at peace soon."
"Am I dying?" I asked.
"No," he replied, "your wife is."
"Am I dying?" I asked.
"No," he replied, "your wife is."
tented
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My girlfriend is from India. She likes to tease me by sending a pic of herself clothed, and then one of her nude.
She calls it sari, not sari.
She calls it sari, not sari.
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Federberg
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip
After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do you conclude from that?"
Watson thinks for a moment and then answers: "Well, temporally I conclude it is about 03:30 AM, astrologically I conclude that Venus is showing in the sign of Aquarius, astronomically I conclude that we are on a planet, orbiting the sun in a spiral arm of our galaxy, and religiously I conclude that God wants to show us with this splendour that we are but a small, insignificant speck of dust in the infinite grace of His creation. Why, Holmes? What do you mean?"
"Watson... somebody stole our tent."
After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do you conclude from that?"
Watson thinks for a moment and then answers: "Well, temporally I conclude it is about 03:30 AM, astrologically I conclude that Venus is showing in the sign of Aquarius, astronomically I conclude that we are on a planet, orbiting the sun in a spiral arm of our galaxy, and religiously I conclude that God wants to show us with this splendour that we are but a small, insignificant speck of dust in the infinite grace of His creation. Why, Holmes? What do you mean?"
"Watson... somebody stole our tent."
tented
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A man met this lady at a bar and they decided to go to her place to have sex after the bar closed...
They're in the bedroom and he takes off his shoes and socks. "My goodness what happened to your feet?" she asks.
"I had tolio," he replied.
"Don’t you mean polio?" she asks.
"No. This just affected my feet. It's called toelio." She thought nothing of it and continued to undress.
He takes off his pants and immediately she screams, "What happened to your knees?"
“I had kneesles,” he said.
"Don't you mean measles?"she asked.
"No. This type only affects the knees. It’s called kneesles.”
When he took off his shorts she said, "Let me guess, Smallcox."
They're in the bedroom and he takes off his shoes and socks. "My goodness what happened to your feet?" she asks.
"I had tolio," he replied.
"Don’t you mean polio?" she asks.
"No. This just affected my feet. It's called toelio." She thought nothing of it and continued to undress.
He takes off his pants and immediately she screams, "What happened to your knees?"
“I had kneesles,” he said.
"Don't you mean measles?"she asked.
"No. This type only affects the knees. It’s called kneesles.”
When he took off his shorts she said, "Let me guess, Smallcox."
Federberg
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tented
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Dirty joke alert:
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink.
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink.
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
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