Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,542
- Reactions
- 5,607
- Points
- 113
Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
- Start date
tented
Administrator
A penguin is having car trouble, so he takes his car to the garage. The mechanic says it'll take about an hour to check what's wrong.
The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street, and heads over to get himself a snack while he's waiting.
It's awkward for the poor guy to eat with his flippers, and he makes a bit of a mess.
He goes back to the mechanic to find out what's wrong with the car.
Mechanic says "Looks like you blew a seal".
"Ha, no ... that's just a little ice cream.”
The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street, and heads over to get himself a snack while he's waiting.
It's awkward for the poor guy to eat with his flippers, and he makes a bit of a mess.
He goes back to the mechanic to find out what's wrong with the car.
Mechanic says "Looks like you blew a seal".
"Ha, no ... that's just a little ice cream.”
tented
Administrator
A man and a little girl are walking into the woods at night.
The little girl says, "I don't like it here. It's spooky!"
The man replies, "You're telling me- I have to walk back alone."
The little girl says, "I don't like it here. It's spooky!"
The man replies, "You're telling me- I have to walk back alone."
tented
Administrator
tented
Administrator
I was driving down the road and saw a hitchhiker. Being in a generous mood, I decided I’d give him a ride. After I picked him up and we started on down the road, he was very thankful, but said “you aren’t scared that I could be a serial killer or something?”
So I chuckled, looked at him and said “the chances that we are both serial killers is probably pretty low, don’t you think?”
So I chuckled, looked at him and said “the chances that we are both serial killers is probably pretty low, don’t you think?”
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,542
- Reactions
- 5,607
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,542
- Reactions
- 5,607
- Points
- 113
tented
Administrator
An old man is lying on his death bed with his wife at his side. They had 3 kids but the last one, Steve, looked nothing like the first 2 so he was always suspicious.
The old man looked at his wife and says: "Honey, it doesn't matter at this point but I need to know. Is Steve my son?"
His wife smiles and says: "I swear to you, he is your son".
The old man then dies peacefully. Then his wife says: "thank god he didn't ask about the first 2".
The old man looked at his wife and says: "Honey, it doesn't matter at this point but I need to know. Is Steve my son?"
His wife smiles and says: "I swear to you, he is your son".
The old man then dies peacefully. Then his wife says: "thank god he didn't ask about the first 2".
tented
Administrator
“What grows 10X its size when stimulated?” the teacher asks her 6 year old students
Mary raises her hands "That is not a question you ask first graders. I will tell the principal and she will get you fired".
The teacher ignores her and turns to the rest of the class.
"What grows 10X its size when stimulated?"
"The pupils" Billy says.
The teacher turns to Mary and says, “There's 2 things I'd like to tell you 1. You have a dirty mind 2. You'll be very disappointed one day!”
Mary raises her hands "That is not a question you ask first graders. I will tell the principal and she will get you fired".
The teacher ignores her and turns to the rest of the class.
"What grows 10X its size when stimulated?"
"The pupils" Billy says.
The teacher turns to Mary and says, “There's 2 things I'd like to tell you 1. You have a dirty mind 2. You'll be very disappointed one day!”
tented
Administrator
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'
tented
Administrator
My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.
She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!
She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!
tented
Administrator
Dirty joke. Don’t click on it if you get offended easily.
Is finding out your spouse sucked hundreds of dicks before getting married really such a big deal?
Or is my wife overreacting?
Is finding out your spouse sucked hundreds of dicks before getting married really such a big deal?
Or is my wife overreacting?