Federberg
The GOAT
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Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
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An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone.
The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone.
The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.
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I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on what movie to watch and pizza to order.
And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because I'm the one with the money.
And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because I'm the one with the money.
Federberg
The GOAT
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Kieran
The GOAT
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Kieran
The GOAT
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- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
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Vladimir Putin consulted with a fortune teller. He asked:
"How long will I live?"
The psychic replied: "I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday."
"Which holiday?" Putin asked.
"Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday."
"How long will I live?"
The psychic replied: "I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday."
"Which holiday?" Putin asked.
"Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday."
Kieran
The GOAT
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Did you know that the people of Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do…
Thank you very much for the laugh. I really need it after what happened the other day.
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I asked my wife why she married me.
She said “Because you are funny.”
I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”
She said “See? You’re hilarious!”
She said “Because you are funny.”
I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”
She said “See? You’re hilarious!”
I was looking back over old Formula One Racing Statistics and was astonished to find out how many racing legends were linked to Scottish Towns.
Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine, Ayr Town Centre.
Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine, Ayr Town Centre.
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I'll never forget my grandfather's last words before he died:
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
"Are you still holding the ladder?"