Jokes

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea,
and then..... he said with a deep sigh" ............
"Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box.”

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...

“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”

 

[tented]

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.

They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

 

[tented]

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
Thank god I live in Canada.

 

[tented]

Remember when Putin said he didn't have any plans to invade Ukraine?
I'm starting to think he was telling the truth.

 

[tented]

Yesterday, I bought a bottle of Whiskey and was on my way home on my motorcycle
Suddenly a thought occured to me; What if my motorcycle crashes? What would I drink once I get home?
So I stopped right then, and gulped the entire bottle down, sitting beside the road.
I'll tell you, that was one of my smartest moves. I crashed 4 times before I reached home yesterday.

 

[tented]

The Pope and Putin are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans over to Putin and says, “Do you know, that with one wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts for the rest of their lives, and whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Putin replies, “I do not believe. With one wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Moxie]

View attachment 6404

I have a friend who named her dog Jolene, for the Dolly Parton song. I sent this to her. She laughed, but she agrees that she is possibly the only person that would actually find this funny.

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]