Federberg
The GOAT
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Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
- Start date
Murat Baslamisli
The GOAT
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- Apr 14, 2013
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- Age
- 52
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- Aurora, Ontario, Canada
- Website
- www.drummershangout.ca
Husband is walking behind his wife and says, ‘Your butt is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine. “
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the husband starts getting frisky.
To which the wife says, “I’m not starting the old washing machine for such a small load. You’ll have to do it by hand!”
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the husband starts getting frisky.
To which the wife says, “I’m not starting the old washing machine for such a small load. You’ll have to do it by hand!”
Federberg
The GOAT
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Federberg
The GOAT
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- Apr 22, 2013
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Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
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- 5,607
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
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- Points
- 113
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
Federberg
The GOAT
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- Apr 22, 2013
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- Points
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The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, - 'When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?
Suzy raised her hand and said, - 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, - 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said - 'Sister, I think it's your feet.
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face, knowing Johnny’s history of bawdy answers.
She decided that it was probably safe to let him answer this time.
'Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Little Johnny said, - 'Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night.
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming.'
I gotta tell you, if Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her’.
Suzy raised her hand and said, - 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, - 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said - 'Sister, I think it's your feet.
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face, knowing Johnny’s history of bawdy answers.
She decided that it was probably safe to let him answer this time.
'Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Little Johnny said, - 'Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night.
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming.'
I gotta tell you, if Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her’.
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
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- Points
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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way right there on the dinner table. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.
But still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...
Suddenly the father shouted....
'I'll do the fucking dishes!
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way right there on the dinner table. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.
But still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...
Suddenly the father shouted....
'I'll do the fucking dishes!