Jokes

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

 

[Moxie]

Everything about that is just awesome!

 

[Moxie]

 

[tented]

From Twitter:

 

[Vince Evert]

After an hour of gathering up the courage, a shy guy finally approaches the attractive girl at the end of the bar. “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight, you pig!”

Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table, redfaced.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I’m a graduate student in psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations.”

To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, “What do you mean $200 for a BJ?”

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

An amusing Xmas story...

A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry . Paddy consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Marks and Spencer’s and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Marks and Spencer’s had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Paddy unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Paddy sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Maggie
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Patrick
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

View attachment 2865

 

[Moxie]

Ok, this is a classic, and Federberg's one above reminded me of it. Dorothy Parker was asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence, and she said: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]