Jokes

Vince Evert

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The only cow in a small town in the USA stopped giving milk.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Canada quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow down from Canada It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply ever again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset, and decided to go to the Vet, who was considered very wise, tell him what was happening, and ask his advice.

As they explained "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Canada ?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Canada. "You are truly a wise Vet" they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Canada?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife comes from Canada":good:
 
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Vince Evert

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49833662_407913586643868_7567162953082863616_n_c1e644910d6ea20c2dcad933f399d1b1522b1f62.jpg
 

Vince Evert

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Proof That Men Have Better Friends!


Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
 
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Vince Evert

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PUNS


* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

* Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

* Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

* A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

* Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

* Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

* Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

* She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

* Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

* Every calendar's days are numbered.

* A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

* A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

* Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture is a jab well done.
 

Horsa

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PUNS


* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

* Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

* Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

* A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

* Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

* Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

* Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

* She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

* Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

* Every calendar's days are numbered.

* A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

* A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

* Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Haha! Very punny! I love these.
 
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Horsa

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thanks...
i like to find and see a gravestone that says: Bad luck, children. I'm taking my money with me.
You're welcome.
I remember hearing about Spike Milligan's grave saying "I told you I was ill" on it. It made me laugh at 1st. Lol. That would be a good 1.
 

Horsa

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That's a good 1. It reminds me of "the 2 Ronnie's political correctness" sketch where Ronnie Barker was explaining political correctness with 1/2 of him dressed as a man & 1/2 of him dressed as a woman & he turned round to his male or female side depending on who he was speaking as. I loved that 1.
 
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