Holy Cersei Cabooses! :eyepop What the tha... They can't.... He didn't... That's not.... Oh COME ON!! :eyepop
My mind is blown and I'm terribly, terribly depressed that I have to wait for nine and a half friggin' months before we get some answers. Arrrgh! I definitely need some therapy after this one. Or at least a hug.
Stannis: So his day starts off badly when he finds out half of of his men deserted him. Then it gets worse when he finds his wife hanging dead from a tree. And then it gets more worse when that two-bit, con woman who can't read a vision right deserts him as well. But what does Mr. "!-Must-Do-My-Duty" do? He heads for Winterfell to set up a siege. But Stannis' day becomes the worstest when Bolton's army overwhelms Stannis' skeleton crew and wipes them out. Stannis is wounded and trying to escape but gets cut on the leg and it looks like he's gonna bleed out but lo and behold who should show up but Brienne. She says "Any last words?" Stannis shakes his head and says "Do your duty" and we see Brienne swinging the sword. But! We don't see Stannis actually die. And until his head goes rolling down the hill, I wouldn't be surprised that Stannis is still alive. But he's probably dead. But maybe not. Curse you George R.R. Martin!
Arya: Dang that was a wicked revenge scene. After five years of saying this sicko's name every night, Arya lets Meryn Trant have it. I don't like gore but that was a satisfying Arya moment. But then she gets punished by going blind? What the heck? I fully expect Arya to become a Game-of-thrones
Zatoichi. That would be cool. But we're left hanging. Curse you George R.R. Martin!
Jamie: So Jamie leaves with his daughter Myrcella and Tristan to head back to King's Landing. Before they leave, Ellaria gives Myrcella a goodbye kiss. Did anyone think "uh-oh!" when that happened? Sure enough, Jamie and Myrcella are having a lovely father-daughter moment (always a sign of impending doom) when Myrcella suddenly starts bleeding out her nose and mouth and collapses. We see Ellaria wiping the poison off her lips with a smile. But is Myrcella dead? Curse you George R. R. Martin!
Sansa: So she lit the candle in the tower finally like three seconds after Brienne and Podrick turn away. lol She is trying to escape when that sneering Miranda is getting ready to put a arrow through her. Reek tosses Miranda off the bridge and kills her. That was a nasty fall. I really wish Sansa had been the one to do that. Reek can go get flayed. I need a strong Sansa taking care of herself. And then they just jump over the castle wall together? Did they get injured in the fall? Or did they fall into harmless, pillow-soft snow ala Frozen? What happened to them? Curse you George R.R. Martin!
Daenerys/Tyrion: So Daenerys is missing and Tyrion is left to govern Mereen while Jorah and Darrio take off on a buddy trip to find her. And then who shows up!? Varys? Season Five ended with Varys accompanying a crated-up Tyrion across the narrow sea, and now they are ruling Mereen? MMM-HMMMM. Who's gonna make the Mereenians listen to them? And then there's Daenerys, stranded on some mountain somwhere and now gets captured by a Dothraki Horde. To be honest, this story line bores the heck out of me except for when the dragon is flying. Next!
Cersei: I've never seen so much nudity since uh...yeah..whenever. Cersei gets all her hair hacked off and walks through the city butt naked while that bouncer nun rings a bell and yelling "Shame"! (By the way, Lena Headey has a no nudity clause so that was her head on someone else's body.) She gets pelted with poop, crap, smut and gawd knows what else. By the time she gets to the Red Keep she's bleeding and crying. I almost thought she was feeling repentant. But then her Zombie-Frankenstein Nights Guard Robert Strong picks her up and carries her to safety. That zombie mountain was freaky. What will Cersei do? Curse you George R. R. Martin!
And then, the big shabang. What...the......fudge! Jon Snow has been proclaimed to be the son of this and that and the big savior of everybody for a while now but then he....DIES?! After the credits started rolling I had to look under my desk to pick up my jaw. Before this happened, the red witch came saudering back to Castle Black. I'll bet she had Snow pegged as the true savior all along and she will bring him back to life. Jon Snow died once, so his watch is ended and now he is released from his vows. He can give the Night's Idiots what-for and then march down to Winterfell and give the Boltons what-for. But then this is the Game of Thrones and he could stay dead. We won't know until April 2016.
Curse you George R.R. Martin! :blowup
I need to lie down.