Okay, I need to break my self imposed exile to vent. I’ll try not to be angry, I’ll inhale after I type every letter. I’ll exhale loudly before I type the next letter. I’ll pause in between each letter for about 8 seconds.
Barbie is expletive deleted. It’s so bad, I ought to be amazed it got past its conceiving thought, and became a script, but this is Hollywood. Bad things get made. The script was so bad, that ought to have killed it. Or melted it, which is more fitting for a Barbie. The script is something an illiterate juvenile might discard. It’s clunky, humourless, brazenly dishonest, idiotic, artless and just plain uninteresting. It’s predictable at every turn. It’s a 90 second SNL sketch dragged out to eternity. And infernity.
But, did I say dishonest? Yep. The American left - which is the only hideous monster that could have conceived this stupid movie - gets everything wrong about race and gender these days because they think it’s still the 1950’s. Yawn slogans about the gee whizz Patriarchy are not a script. Dishonest, because they act as if women are still housewives, as if a giggling dumbass like Kamala Harris can’t rise to becoming the second most powerful person in the world simply because she’s a WPOC. Women are literally being handed the top jobs in places like Harvard, without the talent, qualifications or moral fortitude to do the job - just because they’re women. And making a feck up of the opportunity, too.
Dishonest too because there are great successful kickass woman who are rushing to the top in business and politics through their hard work and talent. These are the examples for young girls, not this feeble dishonest, obnoxious, anaemic movie.
Dishonest because they go into the Mattel boardroom and dishonestly represent its diverse make up. NASDAQ is penalising companies that don’t hit their woefully unfair and dishonest DIE quota, but in Barbieland it’s still 1950 and men rule and ruin everything.
What a horrible, ugly movie. What dire mess on the eyes. What a smug, self-congratulatory piece of pandering Hollywood bullshit. How many times did I curse “fucking Americans” while watching this saccharine bag of steaming poo - because it’s only Americans can make this sentimental nonsense and think it’s relevant?
Why did anyone complain about this film not getting Oscar nominations? For who should there be a nomination? Gosling is good in everything because unlike this film he has a real sense of humour - but an Oscar nomination? Margot Robbie? For what? Being pretty? Greta Gerwig?
She fell off a cliff! She made two great films and thought she should do this brutal vanity project? It was tired after twenty seconds! It’s cheap, sickening and strictly for the gullible.
Bah!
Poor Things is an attempt to make a great and interesting film. I recommend that instead. It treads similar thematic ground to Barbie, but not in the same fucking obvious and obnoxious way. It’s not Yorgos Lanthimos best film, but at least the bastard is trying..