Conference call held by RaNaUWA (Rafael Nadal United Web Army):
(Nadal's press agent): Ok, everyone is connected. Now we just need to wait for him to join....
...silence...
(unidentified forum user #1): He is surely massaging his wonderful butt, that is a good reason to keep us waiting.
(unidentified forum user #2): Oh, yes, better than to massage a big potato nose, for sure.
(unidentified forum user #3): He is the GOAT. The GOAT.
(everyone starts screaming): THE GOAT. THE GOAT.
(someone screams louder than everyone else): The GOD! He is GOD!
(screaming diminishes a bit, awkwardness can be felt. Someone remarks): God is a western construct, it is not inclusive and misogynist. We do not say god anymore. We say god/godess/godjez/Alah/Alahia/Aleluia/Ctulu.
(unidentified forum user #4): god/godess/godjez/Alah/Alahia/Aleluia/Ctulu must flat out his forehand.
(unidentified forum user #5) Maybe that's too much. I won't call him that. I don't like nicknames. Besides, you can be an atheist and a Nadal fan...
(Nadal enters): Hello, no?
(everyone: multiple hellos, one person dies of a heart attack, no one notices): Hello, Rafaaaaaaaaaa...
(Nadal): Ok, guys, this will be a quick one. This marriage is consuming all my time, no? That hijo de puta Italian reporter, fuck him. I just need to write to apologize to everyone I could not invite to the marriage, ugh. It takes forever, no? That's why I cannot... but no, this loss has nothing to do with the marriage. (screams with his hand over the mic) "No, querida, no estoy ablando de eso, no..." (than mumbles) "Carajo". (continues): Aham, new plan, muchachos. I will congratulate the opponent, say he played a fantastic match, unbelievable match, blah, blah, blah, but I will explicitly say "no injuries" ok. I will say that. Then it is your job to spread rumours about injury on the forums and on the Facebook, Twitter and all that stuff, no? But very specially on the forums, no? Yes, that one specially. Si, si, ese de los maricones que siguen ablando de.. I will sue, ok. Will sue them. That hijo de puta that made money betting on Brown. Hijo de puta! That stinky hair! Hij....
(turned off).