Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
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The other 3 dogs are so cute. This would have been offensive towards me but since reading about hippophagy as part of my research & report-writing task on equine history for work I've learnt to accept that although I don't like something it does happen & what I want doesn't come into it or even matter as I can't do anything about it. I can only control myself. I also learnt that things that I'd normally think of as cruel aren't always so in all circumstances so you've got to consider the circumstances before judging as well as many other things which were nicer & more interesting.
I've shared a laugh with you. Thank you very much for sharing. I wish I could share a piece of this Yule log with you too.
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Federberg
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Federberg
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10 Points to Ponder as 2020 draws to a close ...
1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. 2019: Stay away from negative people.
2020: Stay away from positive people.
3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
4. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came to my house & told my dog.... We had a good laugh.
5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
6. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
7. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/ her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
8. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
9. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
10. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.
1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. 2019: Stay away from negative people.
2020: Stay away from positive people.
3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
4. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came to my house & told my dog.... We had a good laugh.
5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
6. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
7. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/ her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
8. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
9. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
10. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.
I can say Merry Xmas now. My belief system means I can celebrate both Xmas & Yule which I do. I celebrate Yule on the shortest day which was on the 21st this year & Xmas on the 25th like most people. Merry Xmas!Merry Xmas
tented
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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it’s.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes, it's..”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?”
Boy: ‟$750.”
Man: ‟Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!”
The boy says, ‟I can't. I sold them.”
The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?”
The son says, ‟$1,000.”
The father says, ‟It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, ‟Dark in here.”
The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again.”
Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it’s.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes, it's..”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?”
Boy: ‟$750.”
Man: ‟Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!”
The boy says, ‟I can't. I sold them.”
The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?”
The son says, ‟$1,000.”
The father says, ‟It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, ‟Dark in here.”
The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again.”
tented
Administrator
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
tented
Administrator
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
It went in one ear and out the other.
tented
Administrator
A blonde pays $1,000,000 to use a stadium to prove blondes are smart.
She fills the stadium with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up to prove, on live TV, that blondes are smart. She starts simply with a math question. “What’s twenty plus three?” She asks the young volunteer. The little blonde thinks and timidly whispers into the mic “nine?” Soon a chorus of 80,000 blondes yell out “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The lead blonde agrees and calms the crowd. She decides to go really easy and asks the young blonde volunteer, “ok dear, what’s two plus two?” The little blonde thinks for about thirty seconds, and hesitatingly whispers “four?” In unison 80,000 blondes scream out “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!....”
She fills the stadium with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up to prove, on live TV, that blondes are smart. She starts simply with a math question. “What’s twenty plus three?” She asks the young volunteer. The little blonde thinks and timidly whispers into the mic “nine?” Soon a chorus of 80,000 blondes yell out “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The lead blonde agrees and calms the crowd. She decides to go really easy and asks the young blonde volunteer, “ok dear, what’s two plus two?” The little blonde thinks for about thirty seconds, and hesitatingly whispers “four?” In unison 80,000 blondes scream out “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!....”
tented
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Vince Evert
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There was a bus loaded with musicians broke down on the interstate highway.
Police said to expect some lengthy jams...
Police said to expect some lengthy jams...
I bet the police also took plenty of notes in more ways than 1 though they didn't get soh fa. Lol.There was a bus loaded with musicians broke down on the interstate highway.
Police said to expect some lengthy jams...
Federberg
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Federberg
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