Corny joke thread

[Kieran]

Doctor says to patient: "sorry to give you bad news, but you don't have long to live."

The Patient sits down: "Oh no, that's terrible! No! How long do I have?"

The doctor says, "ten."

"Ten? Ten what? Weeks? Months? Years? Ten what?!"

The doctor continues: "Nine...eight...seven..."

 

[Johnsteinbeck]

wonderful idea for a thread. the next one isn't as good, maybe not as corny, and definitely in worse taste:


Doctor says to patient: "i'm sorry, but i've got two pieces of news - one bad, the other worse. which one do you want to hear first?"

The Patient: "oh wow... uhm, the worst, i guess"

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, but you have cancer."

The Patient: "Cancer? oh my god.." The patient takes a moment to recollect himself "Alright then, what's the other news?"

The doctor: "I'm afraid that you also have Alzheimer's."

The Patient: "Alzheimer's? oh wow. well... at least it's not cancer."

 

[Kieran]

Doctor says to patient, "I have some good news and bad news."

"Better give me the bad news first," says the brave patient.

"Okay. You have days to live and you'll die in excruciating agony."

Patient sits down in shock. "Sheesh! So, what's the good news?"

"Well, see the sexy receptionist on your way in here? She's my girlfriend."

 

[Moxie]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

 

[Kieran]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A bear walks into the same bar and the says, "I'll have a..."

And the same barman asks..."Why the long paws?" :snigger

 

[Didi]

A coast guard cop catches Nalbandian walking around the beach and yells at him - 'Good lord, this is not a freaking nudism beach, get out of here jerk, don't you see all the children around you?' Nalbandian, totally outraged and misunderstood, pulls up his massive belly - 'Don't you see my slip?'
-------------------------------------------------------
A mean one - what's great about Alzheimer? You get to know new friends every single day.

 

[Murat Baslamisli]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "

 

[Moxie]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A bear walks into the same bar and the says, "I'll have a..."

And the same barman asks..."Why the long paws?" :snigger

A rabbi walks into a bar with a talking frog on his shoulder, and the same astonished bartender says: "That's amazing! Where'd you get it?" Frog says: "Brooklyn. They got hundreds of 'em."

 

[ClayDeath]

cool thread.

 

[Moxie]

What do you call a deer in your backyard with his eyes poked out?

No-eyed deer.

What do you call a deer in your backyard with his eyes poked out and legs cut off?

Still no-eyed deer.

What do you call a deer in your backyard with his eyes poked out, legs cut off and (*ahem*) neutered?

Still no "effing" eyed deer.

(That one is really cruel and stupid, and it always makes me laugh. You wanted corny!)

 

[Murat Baslamisli]

A catholic priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says " What is this, a joke?"...

 

[ClayDeath]

we needed a joke thread.


we also need a travel thread who is going to fire that one up?

 

[britbox]

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.

 

[Moxie]

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.

I think you might win for corniest! Did your kids tell you that one? Two I got from my nephews:

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I have to buy a new bottom.

Why?

This one's got a crack in it.

:laydownlaughing

I have to admit, I'm a sucker for a corny joke. I love this thread.

 

[ClayDeath]

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.

that is corny.

and nasty.

 

[Moxie]

OK, this is actually a good one:

Moses came down from the mountain, and he said, "I have good news and bad news."

"The good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is: adultery is still in."

 

[ClayDeath]

what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

hold on to your nuts....this aint going to be no ordinary blow job.

 

[Moxie]

what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

hold on to your nuts....this aint going to be no ordinary blow job.

I suppose I asked for that with my "stick" joke. That's pretty bad.

 

[ClayDeath]

my joke was excellent princess moxie.

your joke was just plain corny.
translation: it was bad.


that will cost you 3 jokes. now you need to come up with 3 good jokes.

 

[Moxie]

my joke was excellent princess moxie.

your joke was just plain corny.
translation: it was bad.


that will cost you 3 jokes. now you need to come up with 3 good jokes.

Oh, don't even kid yourself. My Moses joke rocks. Your joke...not so much. Try again. I'm way ahead of you. I know they're supposed to be corny, but I'm pretty sure that style points are given for good ones. So far, you don't have any. LOL!