Jokes

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter. They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets. The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the night the nun calls out, "Father, Father I'm cold!"

So the priest gets up and puts another blanket on the nun. "Is that better Sister?" he asks. "Yes Father, much better," she replies. So he gets back in his sleeping bag and starts to nod off when she again calls out with, "Father I'm still cold!"

So once again the priest gets up and puts another blanket on her, ensuring she is tucked into the bed well. "Is that better Sister?" he asks.

"Oh yes Father, that's much better," she says.

So the priest gets himself back into the sleeping bag and this time is just starting to dream when he wakes up to her call of, "Father, Father I'm just so cold!"

The priest thinks long about this and finally says, "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard. No one but you, myself, and the lord himself will ever know what happens here this night. How about, just for this night, we act as though we were married?"

The nun thinks on this for a minute, she can't help but admit to herself she's been curious, and finally answers with a tentative, "OK Father, just for tonight, we will act as though we are married."

So the Father replies,

"Get up and get your own damned blanket ya cow!" and rolls over to fall asleep.

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

 

[Federberg]

A lawyer parks his brand-new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.
Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the Police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically,
"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop, it simply will never be the same again!"
After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.
"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you notice your arm was torn off?"
The lawyer looks down in horror. He screams,
"Oh my God, where's my Rolex?"

 

[tented]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

Brilliant!

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?"

Bessie looks him over. "Nope."

Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks again. "Nope."

Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different?"

Bessie looks up and down and says, "Sam, what's different? It was hanging down yesterday, it's hanging down today and it will be hanging down tomorrow!"

Furious, Sam yells, "And do you know why its hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!"

Bessie replies, "Should'a bought a hat, Sam!"

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]