Federberg
The GOAT
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- Apr 22, 2013
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Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
- Start date
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,571
- Reactions
- 5,661
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,571
- Reactions
- 5,661
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,571
- Reactions
- 5,661
- Points
- 113
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
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- Points
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Mornin’ Y’All. Some Wednesday humour:
Bikers were riding west on I-70 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he
asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering
kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even
the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting,
Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed??
Bikers were riding west on I-70 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he
asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering
kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even
the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting,
Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed??
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,571
- Reactions
- 5,661
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,571
- Reactions
- 5,661
- Points
- 113
tented
Administrator
tented
Administrator
A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.
The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.
The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?"
The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?"
The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
tented
Administrator
Judas: Hey Jesus, you coming to the last supper?
Jesus: the what?
Judas: the supper…I mean are you coming to the supper?
Jesus: the what?
Judas: the supper…I mean are you coming to the supper?
tented
Administrator
What's the difference between grey and gray?
One is a color, and the other is a colour.
One is a color, and the other is a colour.
tented
Administrator
Some construction workers are working on a high building early in the morning.
Sadly, Steve slips off a ledge, spirals down to the ground and is critically injured.
They attempt to save him with CPR, but there is a large hole in his skull that the blood keeps squirting out of, and he dies.
Bill says 'Someone needs to tell Steve's wife'. Joey says 'I'll do it, I'm very sensitive'.
Joey goes off, then a few hours later comes back with two cases of beer.
Bill asks 'Where did you get the beer?'
Joey says 'Steve's wife gave it to me'.
Bill says 'You told her Steve was dead and she gave you beer?'
'Not exactly. When she answered the door I said "You must be Steve's widow', she said 'I'm not a widow" and I said "I bet you two cases of beer you are".'
Sadly, Steve slips off a ledge, spirals down to the ground and is critically injured.
They attempt to save him with CPR, but there is a large hole in his skull that the blood keeps squirting out of, and he dies.
Bill says 'Someone needs to tell Steve's wife'. Joey says 'I'll do it, I'm very sensitive'.
Joey goes off, then a few hours later comes back with two cases of beer.
Bill asks 'Where did you get the beer?'
Joey says 'Steve's wife gave it to me'.
Bill says 'You told her Steve was dead and she gave you beer?'
'Not exactly. When she answered the door I said "You must be Steve's widow', she said 'I'm not a widow" and I said "I bet you two cases of beer you are".'