Jokes
- Thread starter britbox
- Start date
tented
Administrator
My Grandad always said, “As one door closes, another one opens.”
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
Federberg
The GOAT
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Federberg
The GOAT
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I'm amazed you haven't said the local swimming pools profits have nose-dived and its business has done a belly flop. Lol.
Federberg
The GOAT
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THE JOB OPENING
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow
instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun was loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow
instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun was loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,574
- Reactions
- 5,662
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,574
- Reactions
- 5,662
- Points
- 113
Federberg
The GOAT
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2013
- Messages
- 15,574
- Reactions
- 5,662
- Points
- 113
tented
Administrator
My roommate is 2 days younger than me
So I’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when I was your age...” and then describing what I did 2 days ago.
So I’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when I was your age...” and then describing what I did 2 days ago.
tented
Administrator
A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors
The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”
He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”
The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.
The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."
The American says, “That's nothing.”
He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return."
The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.
The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."
The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here."
The matelot comes to attention and salutes.
The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again."
The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”
The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage."
The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”
He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”
The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.
The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."
The American says, “That's nothing.”
He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return."
The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.
The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."
The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here."
The matelot comes to attention and salutes.
The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again."
The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”
The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage."
tented
Administrator
The Greeks invented the threesome
But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.
But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.