Peregrine Rinse #1: The Prinse of Tennis Reporting

[prinse]

EDBERG NOW THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN SWEDEN

Champ takes top pigeon racing role in Sweden

Former World Number 1 Stefan Edberg has been unveiled as the President of the Swedish International Pigeon Racing Committee, the organization currently bidding to bring the 2016 World Pigeon Racing Championships to Stockholm.

Edberg will combine the role with his current business interests and part time mentoring of Swiss maestro Roger Federer.

Federer OK with the role

Questioned if the post would infringe on his availability to be by Federer's side, Edberg played down the concerns. "I have discussed the pigeons with Roger and he said it is nothing to flap about" chuckled the bird-loving Swede.

"Seriously, Roger is very keen on pigeon racing and is fully supportive. He used to own a couple of pigeons and two canaries before he met Mirka. I don't think Mirka liked birds much, so she released them into the wild. He told me they didn't speak for weeks until Mirka relented and bought him a budgie."

Borg admits it's a Cash Cow

Pigeon Racing is the national sport of Sweden and the President of the committee is regarded by many as the most powerful man in the country, surpassing even the Prime Minister and the King. Former incumbent Bjorn Borg who was in the hot seat for 12 years admitted that tennis pales into insignificance in comparison.

Borg: Earned 300 million in pigeon racing endorsements.​

"I earned a few million playing tennis. I can't complain. But, to put this in context, I earned nearly 300 million dollars through Pigeon Racing endorsements and we're talking back in the 1980s.", "At that time, I was generating half of the income of the entire Swedish Economy. Edberg should easily be able to generate around a billion US dollars minimum. Edberg wields the most power in Sweden right now. Only Gustavus Adolphus, who occupied the throne in the seventeenth century can really compare."

Wilander left fuming

Edberg's appointment came as a surprise to many with Mats Wilander having been tipped to take the top post. Edberg won the vote 19-17 with Anders Jarryd changing sides at last minute to seal his election victory.

Wilander was clearly disappointed at losing and with Jarryd. "Anders is a f***** two-faced c**t" seethed the 7 times major winner. "It's the last time I ever mention his name on Game Set and Mats again. He's dead to me... and Edberg is a fraud. He claimed he wasn't interested in the post last week and then throws his hat in the ring and denies me of my rightful position at last minute"

Wilander refused any further questions and later that day was seen scuffling with reporters outside his gated 125 room mansion in Monaco before a issuing a tirade of expletives from behind the gates.

Edberg will be officially unveiled at a press conference on Friday by King Carl XVI Gustaf.

 

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FLAVIA'S FISHY FUTURE

Tennis Ace is England Bound

Flavia Pennetta doesn't let the grass grow under her feet for long. The two time major winner who recently retired after the WTA finals announced on Monday that she was relocating to the UK with immediate effect to open a Fish and Chip shop.

Flavia is heading to Weston-Super-Mare​

The former Italian tennis starlet confirmed that she has secured premises on the Weston-Super-Mare waterfront, although she did admit to never having visited the English seaside resort.

Fish and Stuff

"I've been told it's the English Riviera... and a little like Monaco" she explained to reporters. "But, yes, it's true, I haven't been there in person. Not yet. But we finally have decided on a name for the place, so it's all systems go. I'm getting some business cards printed in the morning with pictures of fish and stuff on them".

The name for Pennetta's new establishment was decided in a competition run by local newspaper "The Western, Worle and Somerset Mercury". After ploughing through 285 entries, Pennetta settled on the name submitted by unemployed painter and decorator James Jones of Gloucester.

"Flavia liked Mr Jones' entry best, so he wins the 50 pounds prize money" stated newspaper Editor Simon Angear, "and the new establishment is now going to be branded "Flavia Pennetta's Fish and Chip Shop"

 

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BORIS BECKER HELD BY POLICE AFTER MASS PUNCH UP

3 time Wimbledon Champ punched to the floor in mass punch-up after throwing Beef and Beetroot Pie at British comic Ronnie Corbett.

Former Wimbledon Champion Boris Becker spent Saturday night in the confines of Paddington Green Police Station following an arrest for instigating a large scale brawl that ended up with 30 people trading punches including pint-sized British funster Ronnie Corbett.

Becker sporting welts from Corbett Attack​

The brawl erupted at a black tie function held to raise money for Nail Varnish Inhalation Victims and was hosted in the main suite of London's prestigious Dorchester Hotel.
Afternoon drinks with Tim Mayotte

Hotel Staff reported that Becker arrived around lunchtime for the evening function and was seen drinking with Tim Mayotte in the VIP members lounge throughout the afternoon.

A staff member who asked not to be named also added that Becker had drunk the entire contents of the mini bar in his room.

Mini bar ransacked

"It's a pretty well stocked bar. Boris must have been pretty thirsty" laughed the 37 year old receptionist with curly blonde hair and a birthmark on her neck who asked to remain anonymous.

"There were probably around 6 premium beers, two half bottles of spirits, 2 mini bottles of red wine and a bottle of Pimms in that cabinet. All consumed... and he didn't even have the good grace to put them in the trash... three bottles were found on the balcony of the room below where American singer Jon Bon Jovi was staying. The cleaners were furious and so was Bon Jovi."

Bon Jovi: Disgusted​

The 47 year old German wasn't initially on the Guest list at all but agreed to stand in for fellow ex-pro Greg Rusedski who is recovering from herpes.

Fashion Reports

Becker didn't endear himself to fellow guests or reporters when he arrived at the red carpet reception around 7pm. British fashion reporter Gok Wan certainly wasn't impressed.

"Frankly, Becker looked like a tramp. He was swaying from side to side, wearing an ill-fitting suit with drink stains down the front... his shoelaces and bow tie were undone and to top it off he was wearing dark sunglasses."

Fashion sense proved to be the least of Becker's problems as the night unfolded. Fellow guests seated at his table included the Queen's granddaughter HRH Princess Beatrice of York, Bruce Springsteen, ex-England Rugby player Dusty Hare and the Chancellor of the British Exchequer George Osbourne with his wife.

Asleep for 40 minutes

Reports suggest Becker was asleep for at least 40 minutes at the beginning of the function and woke up with his elbow in a bowl of soup.

Other Guests reported that once Becker awakened he began reeling off crude jokes to fellow diners on his table prior to mocking guests at neighboring tables. Pint-sized British comic Ronnie Corbett was the main target. Initial well natured jokes quickly escalated into a tirade of abuse.

Springsteen recounts: "Becker just got louder and louder. It was embarrassing. I've seen a few things on tour in my time, but there is a time and a place. Corbett had the patience of a saint. He exploded eventually, but if that had been me, Becker would have been Dancing In the Dark a lot earlier"

Corbett, 84 initially took the jibes in good humor:

"At first, Boris and I had a couple of well natured exchanges. But then it turned nasty. I guess you know the rest..."

Becker, enjoying being the center of attention became louder and louder and then crude midget jokes directed at Corbett became the order of the day. According to reports, at least two guests at Corbett's table were so disgusted that they ordered taxis and left early.

"Corbett started ignoring Becker. He turned his back on him. That's when Becker ramped things up with the beef pie." said Springsteen.

Beef and Beetroot Pie

The New Jersey crooner was referring to the moment when Becker launched a beef pie at Corbett.

"The pie hit Corbett in the square of the back and bits of beef and beetroot spilled all down the back of Ronnie's new suit. He'll either need a new suit or will face a pretty hefty dry cleaning bill. At that point, Corbett just lost it... and I can't really blame him"

Corbett handled himself well and landed some good shots​

According to other guests, it was at this moment that Corbett launched himself at Becker. Corbett had been a promising boxer in his youth, regularly defeating larger opponents in the ring during his days with the Royal Air Force back in the 1950s. A flurry of blows soon saw Becker slumping to the floor.

Nastase launches haymakers

The room then erupted into a full scale brawl when Ilie Nastase leapt over three tables to come to Becker's aid. At one point it was estimated 30 people were trading punches including several women.

When police arrived at the scene, Becker was seen slipping out of a fire exit but was caught 200 yards down the road outside and promptly arrested.

A tourist outside the Dorchester witnessed the arrest:

"It was over in a flash really, Boris Becker came staggering down the street. I said to my wife 'Is that Boris Becker?'... but before I could turn back around, Becker was being bundled into the back of a police van with police dogs snapping at his heels."

Becker will appear before West London Magistrates Court on Wednesday.